Alice Shortcake

I’ve just finished reading “UFOs and Alien Contact – Two Centuries of Mystery” by Robert E Bartholomew and George S Howard. The book closes with a compilation of over 200 examples of so-called alien contacts, some of which are so hilarious I couldn’t resist sharing them with you:

1924, Denver, Colorado
Mrs H C Hutchinson claims to have received psychic messages from Elder Brothers on Mars…She was told that Martians don’t make love, but healthy, intelligent females have babies via parthenogenesis, which is frustrating to Martian men and one of the reasons they are visiting the earth…

1936, near Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada
At age fifteen, Johann Purchalski observed “a saucer type object” pass over Port Colborne and land in a nearby field…He was given a metal badge which “states that the ship was owned by a member of the Planet Mars Police Force in the main city, Marsopolis”.

1952, near Mormon Mesa, Nevada
Falling asleep in his truck in the Nevada desert, Truman Bethurum awoke surrounded by “eight to ten small men”. All were neatly dressed in uniforms similar to those “worn by Greyhound bus drivers.”

1957, Everittstown, New Jersey
John Trasco walked outside to feed his dog and saw a brilliant egg-shaped object hovering in front of his barn. Confronted by a three-foot-tall being with large froglike eyes, Tresco thought the “little man” said, in broken English, “We are peaceful people, we only want your dog.” Frightened, he replied “Get the hell out of here.”

1965, Venezuela
A UFO landed and two occupants seven to eight feet tall with long hair and big eyes…communicated telepathically. When asked if any aliens live amongst us, they replied “Yes, two million, four hundred and seventeen thousand, eight hundred and five.”

1975, Fargo, North Dakota
After being returned home by aliens who took her on a trip to another planet, Sandra Larson was asked by one of her abductors what soap was. At this, she gave him a cup of laundry detergent.

1977, near Pelham, Georgia
Five aliens take a Mr Dawson aboard their spaceship and give him a medical examination. Near the end of the exam, Dawson says a voice from inside the craft shouted, “I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am-“

1978, near Belden, Nebraska
A prominent businessman watched a bright object, which closely resembled an army tank, land on the road ahead. A door in the craft opened and a man, wearing white duck pants and a white shirt, stepped out. He then spoke, addressing the witness by his first name: “Well, Bob – what do you think of this?” The man then re-entered the object, which left the same way as it came. A high-pitched whine was heard as the object left.

1979, near La Palma, Mexico
Manuel Fidel Cruz Lopez was approached by eight armed aliens who emerged from a hovering saucer-shaped object. They ordered him to cut off his penis, which he did with his machete. He got medical aid the next day after wandering that night in shock.
Lopez, who has a wife and three kids, said: “I am not ashamed of being castrated. That was fate and it could happen to anyone.”

And finally, my personal favourite:

1979, Rowley Regis, West Midlands
Jean Hingley was at her Bluestone Walk home when a flying saucer landed on the lawn. “I opened the back door and there was a blinding light. Then these three men bombed past me and went into the lounge. The little green men had wings and horrible waxy faces, like corpses.” She offered them coffee, but they asked for a glass of water. Upon leaving, they took her mince pies and said they would return some other time.

philkensebben

So what was the mystery with these anecdotes? That anyone believed them ?

Beady

Well, now we know.

__________________
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you." -- Nietzsche

Magic 9-Ball

My favorite UFO story is told by my cousin. He is very detailed on how the multiple UFOs were flying around in the sky in an eerie pattern. Then, at the same time, they all flew together and met at the Mother ship, which then flew up an out into space. He stands and points in the sky and traces the patterns with his fingers.

Then again, I never took the drugs my cousin took at the time, so I've had to take his word for it these many years.

magi

Huh, that's funny. Isn't that about how many Scientologists there were in 1965?

Starthinker

I like the one where the old man sees aliens coming out of a ship and start blasting everything in sight. He runs home to get his shotgun and waits by the door. The door flys open and he fires, killing his wife. "Imagine, that," he said, "My wife was an alien."

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Hank: I don't have any phobias
Brent: What about bees?
Hank: I don't have any bees, either.

Slimething

I suspected that we were all in deep s**t when I heard that aliems from outside space were eyeing us but now I know our doom is sealed. These aliens are barbaric, not friendly. Any being who would voluntarily dress like a Greyhound bus driver must be malevolent and deranged.

Slimething, Slave to Fashion

sdt23107

Ok so the alines have ships that can go faster than light but don't know what soap is? Who was she hanging out with, Kilingons?

Warge

I find this not so funny as depressing - those are clearly mentally unstable people, probably on some kind of hallucinogenic drug.

Gord_in_Toronto

[EXTREME SKEPTIC MODE ON] How can you say that? You can't disprove what these people say they saw.[/EXTREME SKEPTIC MODE ON]

__________________
"Reality is what's left when you cease to believe." Philip K. Dick

Hamradioguy

Was Howard Menger, the sign painter from High Bridge, NJ, mentioned in that book? He was one of the first "contactees" I can remember. For some reason his back yard was "Landing Field Number 2" for the Venusian Air Force as I recall. His Venusian pals used to stop in for coffee when they were in the neighborhood....or so he claimed.

When I later told a classmate at college- a UFO contactee believer- that Menger had been institutionalized for mental problems he told me the government did this to keep Menger out of sight.

TTLer

Attn Alice Shortcake:

We do not discuss UFO stories on this skeptic forum.

Please take your tales somewhere else.

Seriously.

Warge

Well, I can't prove that a neighbour I had actually got answers when he talked to the moon either (really loud too since the moon is so far away - he scared the willies out of my other neighbours), but I know that he was a schizophrenic...

Stellafane

Really? Since when?

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Quakeulf

(Insert joke about food habits of asian countries)

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and even more

Alice Shortcake

Attn TTLer:

Having noticed the tags for "alien, aliens, ufo, ufos", I stupidly assumed that readers of this skeptic forum - at least those with a sense of humour - might be interested.

I stand corrected.

Magic 9-Ball

Per the title of this forum, this clearly states:

General Skepticism and The Paranormal - "Discuss aspects of the paranormal here, as well as general questions and comments on things skeptical, such as dowsing, UFOs, etc."

Clearly, those who are interested do discuss UFOs.

Lanzy

As a fellow new blood, TTler is wrong.

Starthinker

Just joined and is already telling us what to do?

__________________
Hank: I don't have any phobias
Brent: What about bees?
Hank: I don't have any bees, either.

coalesce

Hmmm, metrosexual aliens....

Michael

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"I want the kids in bed by nine, the dog fed, the yard watered and the gate locked. And get a note to the milkman NO MORE CHEESE!"

coalesce

Thank you for speaking for the hundreds of regular posters who frequent this board. And thanks for redefining the mission of the JREF.

What WOULD we do without you telling us what to do?

Michael

__________________
"I want the kids in bed by nine, the dog fed, the yard watered and the gate locked. And get a note to the milkman NO MORE CHEESE!"

Warge

Oh dear... So where should it be discussed then?

Terry

um... yes. yes we do. Who are you again?

Darat

Alice Shortcake - I am an admin of the Forum and I can assure you that TTLer is completely wrong - please feel free to discuss any aspect of UFOs you wish.

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If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? -

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn